'Fifty Shades Darker' movie review; Erotic flick that went totally wrong

She's pregnant? Dakota Johnson was stunned to learn that Beyonce was expecting twins days after everybody else at the Fifty Shades Darker premiere in Los Angeles

The New York Times said the film was "Fifty Shades Darker and only half as watchable" as its predecessor.

It feels good, doesn't it?

With the recent reviews, one of the most anticipated movies of 2017 seems to be most abrupt crash of all time.

Fifty Shades Darker stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in the lead roles, supported by Marcia Gay Harden, Rita Ora, Bella Heathcote.

There's some really bad news in store for EL James fans. "In the vehicle, we just listen to Justin Timberlake and Anna Kendrick sing at us on every family journey we go on at the moment, which is kind of fun and really kind of terrible at the same time, once it's the 70 time of the week". When Anastasia learns that Christian's helicopter had crashed, all we got was crocodile tears.

The first film succeeded in establishing the desirable enigma of Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan), as seen by doe-eyed protagonist Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson).

"It might have been a hoot if its sexual politics and baseline morality weren't so objectionable", Guzman adds.

How's that for some real talk? That's chiefly because it, like so much of literature "geared" toward women-whatever that really means-is so eager to have it both ways, or, rather, all ways: Christian has a serious problem!

One such laughable moment comes during one of the movie's many bedroom scenes.

"Actively tiresome and astoundingly flaccid", the review continues, "the monotonously dreary, everlasting humdrum BDSM fan fiction franchise can never decide if it'd rather be smutty or classy".

This Friday from director James Foley and Universal Pictures is the next chapter in the story of lovers who are becoming "Fifty Shades Darker".

What a world, what a world.

But, aside from being brought to you by the letters T, A, S and M, does this movie have anything else of substance to offer? There are a fair number of R-rated sex scenes, repeated conversations about Christian's controlling nature, and many (many) shots of Dornan and Johnson staring longingly into each other's eyes.

"Fifty Shades Darker is an ordeal to watch not because of its gothic eroticism but because of its utter blandness", wrote The Independent's Geoffrey Macnab. Fifty Shades of Grey made $85 million in its first weekend in 2015 and went on to rake in $571 million globally.

Meanwhile, the film is expected to have a good opening at the US-Canada box office.

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